Written during my pregnancy, publishing now. Let me know what you think.
Have you ever woken up in the
middle of the night and started crying for no rhyme or reason?
Well, I haven't either, or rather hadn't either, until very recently of-course. It’s strange how I
find myself so emotional at peculiar moments these days. It’s odd because there’s
really nothing bothering me at this point in time. The only possible explanation thus are my pregnancy hormones
, at least I think they are! Or, why else would I wake up at 4 am in the
morning and start crying much to the horror of S?
Well, already into my 23rd
week of pregnancy
, I don't know if I'm ready yet. Yes, I have begun to feel the kicks too so I know it's very real, this new thing that is happening to me, to us.
It’s a strange
feeling really. It’s a huge reality to come to terms with, the fact that there
is a living, kicking little human being growing inside of me.
Wow! Maybe somewhere
in my subconscious lies the anxiety and apprehension of bringing a new life to
the world. Perhaps that is the reason why I burst out at times. I don’t know.
Does it happen to all women?
Perhaps, it does.
That feeling when it keeps kicking
or moving is quite indescribable actually. I might be in a meeting or simply engrossed
in some deliverable when it starts shifting inside of me, almost vying for my attention.
Or, better yet, kicking as if this is the FIFA final! This to remind me,
perhaps, that he or she ( I know now it's a she) is my biggest deliverable in the pipeline till date.
It is then that the thought that
I’m not alone crosses my mind. In that fleeting moment I realize that I’m never
going to be alone for a long time to come, neither alone nor carefree really.
It’s a tough bargain, this decision to become a parent. It is miles off from
being easy. Even after taking the leap there are moments of doubts, second
thoughts. But then there’s this excitement of a new turn in life as well. So, I
guess it’s scary in a good way
. Well, whatever it is, I’m taking it one day at a
time because thinking too much gives me goose bumps. Maybe, I still need to prepare, for I’m not there yet.
23 weeks gone, still about 17 odds weeks left. A long way to go. The journey so far, for lack of a better word, has been exciting. And they say it's only going to get more exciting ahead, of course difficult too. Honesty, I don't know how I'm going to deal with it. I really don't. Maybe I'm going to be this emotional throughout. Or, perhaps show some other sign that scores of other women have shown during pregnancy. But I do know this, it is going to be my own unique journey, a journey shared and lived with S. That much I know I can look forward to. Of course, I sure hope that this new beginning, as they all say, is worth it at the end of it all.
Well, that’s all for today. Signing
off with tears in my eyes for no apparent reason. Perhaps hormones or some other pregnancy related quirk, who knows?
Mommies reading this, do
share your experience and your views, I’d love to read.