There are battles each and every one
of us has to fight in life. Invisible agonies, hopelessness and this
feeling of being trapped sometimes exceeds beyond a point of no return. Maybe
then death seems more alluring, almost like escaping a sinking ship or a collapsing
building. Maybe.
Have you ever felt this way?
Well, I remember a time when I did
feel weighed down by life, just not sure if it was to this extent though. It
was the time when S and I were trying to get married. If you are familiar with
India, you’ll know how hard marrying the person you love could turn out to be.
My parents had given me a very privileged,
happy life. But even they couldn’t save me from the trials and tribulations
that a mere attempt at an inter-state marriage could bring about in this country. Of-course,
that’s all done and dusted now. Thank God for that. But yes I shudder thinking
about that time even now, a time when I felt totally dejected. But even then never for a moment did the
thought of suicide cross my mind. Maybe because in many ways my parents
had taught me to endure and fight on. Also, and most importantly,
because I had S by my side. It was not a battle I was fighting alone.
Having said that, it’s not easy for
everybody. No one should ever have to feel this way and if they do, there must
be help available. However, there are people who don’t get the support they
should. And sadly, we end up losing them to this brute we call suicide.
I have heard my mother speak of an
uncle who had, for reasons known only to him, committed suicide when his wife
was pregnant with their son. No one knows till date what was bothering him. No
one even knew that something was bothering him actually. On the surface he seemed fine, which
clearly he wasn’t. Perhaps there were signs which no one picked up on.
This was somewhere in the 80s when talking about depression and mental health
was frowned upon even more than it is today. My first close brush with suicide
came years later when I was in the first year of Engineering. And I didn’t like
the feeling one bit.
It
was like any other day. We were at the workshop engaged in black smithy, welding,
carpentry, etc… one of those subjects in engineering first year. I don’t quite remember
which one I was assigned to but I do recall seeing him that afternoon. He was
in the welding shop, focused on fusing items together. No he didn’t seem out of
the ordinary at all. In fact, you wouldn’t have noticed him either. Actually,
neither did I until that terrible, terrible news came out later that night or
the next morning perhaps. He was found dead, hanging from the ceiling fan of
his hostel room. He had committed suicide because he couldn’t take the ragging
anymore.
I don’t know why but I wish I had
spoken to him that day. I wish I had told him ragging is just a phase and it
will pass. I wish I had told him that 10 years down the line when you look back
at the ragging episodes, you’ll only end up laughing. I wish someone had spoken
to him.
No, I don’t support ragging and I
never ragged any junior ever in my life. But it’s not something we should lose
our lives to. I wish I had noticed him when he was in the workshop and not as an
afterthought.
As per a report by WHO,
every 40 seconds a person dies by suicide somewhere in the world. Imagine!
In India, there is apathy in the
attitude towards depression and mental illness. We fail to recognize these as ailments
that need to be treated. It’s still a taboo to admit that there is someone in
the family suffering from the same. Educated and uneducated alike, there is a
dearth of understanding on the magnitude of importance of professional care
when it comes to these. That’s why we need to talk about it more and more,
spread awareness. That’s why the fight needs to be intensified further. And
what better way than each of us pledging to start by changing our own outlook?
So, tell me, will you join me in
this?
Will you help the world in #SuicidePrevention in any way you can?
I hope
you do!
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