Marriage is perhaps a word which is not as
huge as the importance it actually carries in a couple’s life. It is a bond which if nurtured carefully is a boon. But if not it could well be a bond that suffocates you throughout life.
Now, I’m all for marriage, a
marriage which treats both the husband and wife equally. In the interest of full disclosure, I must add that history is not my strong
point but certain aspects of marriage as advocated in the Indian society are
not for me. For example, I don’t believe in the philosophy of the husband being the all-important
entity in a marriage and thereby the family. For me, it’s equality in all
aspect and understanding that makes for a great marriage. When I speak about
equality, I don’t mean how much money a spouse earns. No. For me it has to do
with how the husband and wife treat each other and how they are treated by the
families of both. Unfortunately, there are still some marriages in this present day modern India based on a bogus and archaic belief system that places the husband on a pedestal with no regards to the wife!
About 5 years back I had written
about a man who wanted a wife only as a caretaker for his parents. I called him
the anpad (uneducated)
at that time. And looks like there are more like him around. A sad, sad fact but what is even worse is that women toil to put up with such non-sense. Of-course, I don't intend to judge them but I just wish they didn't put up with it.
For the husband who believes his wife is meant to be doing everything form household to office work, taking care of children to his parents, I suggest some soul searching perhaps? And the woman who keeps doing it, keeps compromising either for the sake of the
love she feels for her man or because apparently this is how it is supposed
to be, know your threshold please.
My dear woman, marriage it’s not supposed to be an institution
where you concede everything, even your self-respect. No! While love is important, I don’t
think it’s your sole responsibility to maintain the relationship.
Please don’t do this to yourself, if you fall in this category. I know it is drilled in our minds that marriage is a sacred institution and we must do everything in our capacity to save it. But do remember that a marriage in which you have no respect or where you get occasional respect is also no marriage at all.
To all those women who
compromise every day in a marriage either to avoid conflict or to save their men from stress, I wish you read through this. And
maybe, just maybe, it will help you someday?
- Your husband is not the one who
runs your home, you both do.
- The onus of your relationship is not only on you but him too.
- Respect his parents certainly, but
to run all the errands for them while your husband enjoys his life is not
right. Responsibility in a marriage
has to be shared!
- You are not an unpaid maid to his
parents. And if he says you have
to cook, clean and wash their clothes every day or else he will rebuke you, he
doesn't deserve your love or respect.
- If he’s not there with you when you
need him the most, then there’s no point of him being there with you at any
- Fall in love but don’t lose your
self-respect in the bargain.
- The moment he asserts that
everything in your home happens at his approval, you should know what he thinks
There is so much more I want to
say, and I’ll do so in a separate post, continue from here. But the intention is only to say that don't sacrifice so much. A relationship which makes you cry and compromise on a daily basis while your man doesn't budge an inch is to me not a relationship you need to fight for. Realize your worth, please!
P.S: I know not all husbands are like this. So, please spare me the lecture :). Also, I know there are husbands who suffer at the hands of their wives, I'm sure someone will write about them too. I have written this post so that someone somewhere might perhaps gain the courage to make a positive change in life after reading this!
Labels: Feminism, Relationships, Social