Sometimes you get so engrossed in this journey of life that you end up forgetting there’s more to it than these mundane everyday battles. Circumstances and people change you constantly, often making it extremely difficult to look at life positively. The way you see the world is something that changes day after day, every day.
My outlook towards life when I was a 16 year old was one devoid of any bitterness. With age and experience, it changed. For good or for bad, well, that’s debatable perhaps or maybe not. Today though the way I view things are very different from when I was a teenager or even from two years ago because I have grown, evolved to be more cautious.
There are several things that have changed me as a person, several experiences rather. Of all, being hurt in friendship is one which has made me more, well, skeptical. I have this shell built around me now and I don’t allow myself to be swayed by friendships anymore. Acquaintances, yes, I have many. But everyone gets just one strike and once that’s over, I know how to keep the distance. I have not allowed myself to become emotionally attached to any ‘so called friend’ for many years now. I know it’s not healthy but some scars take time to heal or at times never really heal at all. Mine have made me see the bad in people first and block them from my world based on that. There was a time however when I only saw the good, ignored the bad but not anymore. I don’t like doing it but it has become my natural response somehow.
S keeps telling me I shouldn’t look at the world with so much distrust. Not everyone is out there to hurt me.
Maybe he is right. Actually, I know he is right. So, perhaps the least I can do for him and mostly for my sanity is not be so bitter anymore. Just because a bunch of people ended up hurting me doesn’t mean others would do the same? Perhaps I can look at the world without misgivings starting today? I can still be careful, but not bitter anymore. Well, at least I can try to do that.
I remember reading somewhere what we send out to the universe comes back to us. We get back what we give, sometimes doubled. I know I want to make the effort to stop looking at everyone suspiciously. So, that is what I’ll do. I’ll stop being skeptical.
Forgive and forget is something that has been very hard for me to do. I have tried but it has never really worked for me. So, maybe, just maybe, I can forget the hurt
for a change? If nothing else, I wouldn’t feel betrayed every time I look back.
I miss the person I was before being hurt by the harsh realities of life. Naïve perhaps, but there was a time when I never believed in disliking or hating people, even my worst enemies. But today, things are so very different. Hate is a word that I associate with people quite easily nowadays. And it’s not something that I like doing or do consciously. It just happens. Deep down I know that girl is still there somewhere and I wish to bring her back to the fore. This resentment is not worth it. So, perhaps finding peace within would help me change the way I look at people, this world, even help me enhance my world.
I wish to bring positivity in the way I see the world, don’t you? See the world with rose tinted glasses even! I’m tired of being hostile as if everyone is out there to get me. I wish to look at the glass as half full rather than half empty. And maybe, just maybe, in the process do something worthwhile like help someone to see this beautiful world too?