Scared & Almost Burntout

'With the new role comes new responsibilities. You are the one answerable for everything moving forward.' These were pretty much the words that echoed in the conference room yesterday. Yes, he was addressing me.

As I told you in my post on Monday, I have been promoted. So, yes I have more responsibilities now. Of-course, I knew that. Anybody would know that, right? It was something that I had thought of, knew about and anticipated. But when I heard these words from him it kind of registered for the first time. If I screw up or if anyone in the team screws up, its up to me. And that sent me into a tizzy of self doubt.

Honestly, I'm feeling a bit scared you know. I want to do well but I'm worried what if I don't? You know it's a scary, scary thought. Let's just say I'm worried. Will I be able to stay afloat or I'll just sink to fathomless depths of failure? That is what is bothering me ever since I heard those words.

Well, I guess there's only one way to find out. I need to take the plunge and see what happens. Of-course, I'm saying this with butterflies in my stomach and a kind of sick feeling that things aren't going to be easy going forward. But then what am I if I can't take this simple and mundane challenge eh? Alright not so simple but then there are bigger mountains to climb, so I can't shy away from this. Maybe one day I can look back and say I was worried for nothing? Oh God please let that only be the case!

So that's that. Apart from that I'm finding no time to write you know. With guests at home and so much work at office, 24 hours seem so less! But I won't give up on writing which is a promise I've made to myself, even if I dish out such posts. You'll still read them, won't you?

These few days or this week rather has been so frustrating really. From morning till I finally go to bed I feel like I'm on the clock. Not a moment to spare! Wake up, cook & go to office. There work, work & work some more. Go back home and cook again. There's just no time! So much so that when I have a few moments off I don't know whether I should spend that reading books or writing. A sad, sad conflict because I want to do both in a day. But I just have a short window to accommodate only one of the two. It's like I'm stuck in a viscous cycle! The husband says it'll all settle down in a few days. I sure hope so or else I'm not sure I can find time for myself.

Well, that's all for now.