Jao baccha Karo (Go prepare a baby!)

Some Annoying Relative: “Jao baccha Karo” (Go prepare a baby?!)
Me: Seriously? Right here?

This morning I and a couple of my crazy girlfriends decided to discuss something interesting. No it didn’t have anything to do with clothes, shopping, in-laws, boys, men or husbands. Don’t look so surprised; girls have more variety of thoughts than you could ever imagine! Don’t believe me, look around. So without racking your sweet little brain further let me just tell you what we discussed. We chatted about the most hilarious lines we would have heard in our lives or just some amusing situations that we would have been part of as a result of that. 

It is then that I recalled being told “Jao baccha Karo” (Go prepare a baby?!). I have been told this several times in the past two years since my marriage; either by nagging relatives or overstepping neighbors.  The very sentence gets me rolling on the ground laughing, well not literally but you get the idea right! It is as though a child is a dish to be prepared. Perhaps a ready to eat meal or a pizza which if ordered would be delivered in less than 30 minutes (Though in future I wouldn’t mind the 30 minutes option at all)! Better yet, or perhaps worse I’m not really sure, something like a quick visit to the washroom for potty! I don’t understand what they mean when they say what they say. Without any subtlety they just blurt out words, which believe me, if ever taken seriously by me would have them ducking for cover! 

Some Annoying Relative: “Jao baccha Karo” (Go prepare a baby?!)
Me: Why? Can’t you do it yourself?

I wouldn’t call myself an expert on Indian relatives because I only have a few hundreds of them you see! Sad I know by Indian standards. Still I feel that they are the most interfering bunch in the world. Whether they do it consciously or perhaps they carry birth defects which make them cross every damn line, I don’t know! Ofcourse, there are the good ones but we’d talk about them some other day. So if there’s one thing that relatives (the birth defect ones) are really adept at; it is making your business their own in a manner that it would either leave you seething with anger or in splits! 

Some Annoying Relative: “Jao baccha Karo” (Go prepare a baby?!)
Me: And what’s in it for you?

Can you imagine meeting someone for the first time and that person theatrically tells you “Beta baccha Karo”!  There have been times when I wanted to say “Aunty, mujhe bacchi nahi aayi hai!” Aunty, I’m not feeling baby; along the lines of I’m not really having a nature’s call right now! I don’t know about the guys out there, but I’m sure a lot of married woman would identify with what I mean to say. Infact, why only married women, unmarried girls are pestered with the rhetorical question about their marriage as if ‘a husband’ is an item to be purchased from the neighborhood grocery shop! Indian relatives, I tell you!

Some Annoying Relative: “Jao baccha Karo” (Go prepare a baby?!)
Me: And who made you the queen of my world?

Perhaps next time when I hear this line, I could ask their help or even better ask them what ingredients I would need for the same and what would be the preparation time! Maybe a slight dose of shameless and audacious retorts from me would shut them up for good!

Some Annoying Relative: “Jao baccha Karo” (Go prepare a baby?!)
Me: I don’t think so!