A Silent Dirge

It was a dark and gloomy day as if to grieve over a dire event. It had been the same for an entire week. With gusty winds and cloudy skies the heavens seemed to be mourning over something terrible. Ayesha sat in her room looking out of the window but all she saw was disappointment. It was as if nature too shared her state of mind. With puffy eyes, red with the constant crying, Ayesha looked very much in pain. With hair unkempt and a forlorn face, she looked the complete antithesis of what she had always been. The girl who was once always happy and smiling had now transformed into a damaged soul. The dimples that she so loved showing off now seemed to have disappeared, Ayesha seemed to have disappeared! Was she a phantom or a real person; it was difficult to say after all she had been through in the past week.

Ayesha and Aamir, yes they were two names that were always taken together and it had been the same so far. From friends to lovers, they had transformed effortlessly. They were destined to be together, so much so that even their families awaited eagerly for the day when they would be tied together forever. Theirs was always a happy love story but is there really such a thing as a happy love story?

It wasn’t long before Ayesha and Aamir were engaged. They were happy; moving forward holding hands and walking towards the beautiful future that they had planned together. In a month they would be married and that would be the beginning of the next phase of their adventure. But life had a cruel twist, one that completely shattered everything!

It happened a week before their wedding amidst the preparations and the festivities. It happened out of the blue. In the middle of the sweets and sounds, lights and laughter something happened that crushed Ayesha’s world.

Aamir had gone for a stroll early morning that day. It was his routine, something that he started his day with. Ayesha would also accompany him occasionally but on that day she didn’t. Who would know that she would for the rest of her life probably lament not going with him on that fateful day? Ayesha was still asleep when she was woken up by a call.

“Is this Ayesha?” asked the person on the other side of the call.

“Yes. Who is this?” she asked still drowsy and cursing the man on the call for disturbing her sleep.

“Ma’am I am calling from the Greenfield Hospital. There has been an accident. A certain Mr. Aamir was involved in that and we found your number in the last dialled section. ” No sooner did she hear these words that her heart sank to the depths of oblivion. It was strange but she felt that was it. That was it!

“Ma’am are you there?”

Wiping off her tears she answered “Yes... Is he alright?”

“It was a hit and run, a bad one at that. I’d suggest you get here soon” saying that he hung up the call, leaving Ayesha in the lurch. She was shaking uncontrollably. She was scared and wished for it to be a dream but it was not. She looked through her phone and there were two missed calls from Aamir a few hours back. He had called her to take her along but she had missed those calls. She sat on her bed for a few minutes unable to move, unable to think.

“No Aamir, no. You can’t do this to me. Oh God please, please save him. Please let this pass. Please, oh please God please!” she constantly kept saying; wishing for this nightmare to fade away. But she had to gather herself; she had to get to him.

Ayesha ran out of her room and broke the news to her parents who in turn informed Aamir’s family. Within an hour they were at the hospital, standing outside the operation theatre. Aamir was being operated upon; the doctors had said there is very little hope for it was a horrible accident. A careless driver had run over Aamir, run over Ayesha’s dreams, run over their lives!

Ayesha paced nervously outside looking towards the closed operation theatre. She clutched her hands tightly together. It was difficult to breathe. She felt suffocated by the fear of losing Aamir. What could she do, if at all there was anything she could do? She looked up towards the unseen force that the world called as God. Her eyes almost tearing through the ceiling to catch a glimpse of that omnipotent God to whom she urged to spare Aamir’s life!

“God you can’t take him away! You can’t! Aamir, Aamir please I need you. You have to come out of it. Please Aamir!” murmuring to herself all the while she sat down on the floor outside the Operation theatre with her hands on her face. It was heart breaking to see her. Love makes you helpless. While you can love a person with all your heart, at moments like these you feel helpless and that was what she felt. While she was ready to move heaven and earth for him, there was nothing that she could so to save Aamir that day. It was not in her hands and that was frustrating.

Finally it was the moment of truth, the operation was over. She looked up longingly towards the door. As it opened, she rushed to the doctor, panting and shivering. She couldn’t gather herself to even ask. She just looked at the doctor, her eyes full of tears and fearing the worse.

“I am sorry ..” that was all she could hear and everything around her suddenly turned silent. She walked towards where Aamir was. He was lying there, not breathing. He lay there bruised and battered. He lay there lifeless. She sat near him and holding his hands cried like she never had before.

“No Aamir, please no. Wake up damn it. Don’t do that! Couldn’t you be just a little careful? Why on earth did you have to go for a stroll? Wake up damn it! God please wake up!” and she cried till she could only gasp for breathe.

That was a week back and since then she had confined herself to her room. On one side were the clothes and jewellery she has so hopefully bought for the most important day of her life and on the other was the picture of her engagement with Aamir. They had been so happy together but all that was lost now!

She took his photo in her hand, looked towards it reflectively and said “When I got the call that day and I asked myself if you were going to be alright my heart was saying “Yes” but my head was saying “No”. Who knew that the mind would actually triumph over the heart? I knew that something had terribly gone wrong; a wrong that could never be made right. Today though both my heart and mind agree that I shall never recover from this for I feel so empty inside Aamir, how will I go on? All my life there was one constant and that was you. With you gone, there is nothing that I can look forward to. What do I do? I can’t breathe. I feel as if the weight of the world is on me. I can’t think clearly, I can’t eat and I can’t sleep. You left but what am I supposed to do? How do I pick up the pieces of my life? You left me broken and I will never forgive you for that. I hate it that I loved you so much. I hate it that I still love you so much! Come back please, come back for me. Help me Aamir. Come back, oh please come back!”

The predictable unpredictability of life is not unknown. You never know when your haven could be stormed by events that could tear apart the entire fabric of your lives; but you do know that an invisible uncertainly lurks within an earshot. That is what happened to Ayesha. She was left stranded in a life without her soul mate, hurt beyond repair. Some things can never be mended, the heart being one of those. Ayesha now had a broken heart, an emptiness that was not only painful but would perhaps be with her forever.

I look around the skies all grey;
I hear a sound my fears allay;
With all my heart, I yearn, I pray;
To be with you together someday;
My life a dirge of seasons astray,
I hope and plead in dismay;
The moon scoffs at my lonesome fray,
My heart says yes I’ll find my way,
But the head unkind does again betray!

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

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