Missing Life!


Sam Ewing beautifully orchestrated what I have been feeling for the past few days ‘When you finally go back to your old hometown, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.’ I recently visited Shillong where I spent my entire childhood before being engulfed in the never ending battle of what we call life. The house, lanes, school, friends and teachers; I left everyone behind when I ventured out to make something of myself but was it worth it? Leaving behind what was once very much a part of me and what now only exists by virtue of Facebook likes or pokes?

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. –The Wonder Years

So much has changed since the carefree days of my existence where my only responsibility was to study. I had all the time and luxuries in life; even the choice to do what I wanted and the way I preferred. But now that I am all ‘settled’, at least that’s what they say; I have no time for anything apart from the mundane work and the much detested kitchen. The trip down the memory lane made me realise that the days that I so relish are long gone only to be revisited in the hearts silent whispers. The blithe life that I once knew is never to return. If this is what growing up means then I so wish to travel back in time; start my life over again!

In childhood, we press our nose to the pane, looking out.  In memories of childhood, we press our nose to the pane, looking in.  ~Robert Brault

The daily struggle of going to school; home works and tests; teachers and friends; class picnics and serene family time with parents and siblings is what I long for! Strange are the ways of life more so for women; they need to give up so much and begin a new life. They need to hold on to the past and the present together while men have no such choices to make. It annoys me that it is expected of a woman to spend time with her parents and siblings only during vacations while a man never has to let go of his family. If a woman chooses to do the same she is termed a bad wife and an even worse daughter-in-law. Of course, one may say things have changed but I know for a fact this thought process thrives till today. Unfortunate I know but not impossible to change I am sure!

A thought crosses my mind every time I fell sick my parents were by my side no matter what. But today when they need me more than ever I am engrossed in the never-ending run for survival. What had happened and what has changed in our society; its way of living in the span of a few years? What such a paradigm shift where we get only a week or so in a year to spend with family and friends? Is it really worth it? When I became an engineer and started working I was of the opinion that I had become free but as I look back now I was just shackled by the corporate honchos for a few bucks; having to give up or put off everything that mattered to me. So much decay in the way life functions these days; sad but again a universal fact!

I'd give all wealth that years have piled,
The slow result of Life's decay,
To be once more a little child
For one bright summer day.
~Lewis Carroll

Until the next visit I shall carry the sweet twinge of a lost childhood; until the next holiday I shall with fervour lead a humdrum life; until the next visit I shall try not to let life spiral in a mechanical path; until the next break I shall carry Ma’s touch; until the next leave I shall reminisce papa’s hug; until the next time I shall dream each day of a blissful few days as my parent’s princess!

The older I grow the more earnestly I feel that the few joys of childhood are the best that life has to give.  ~Ellen Glasgow

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